


Princes Don't Swallow

by Blue_Sparkle



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Beelzebub has whatever you want to imagine they have, Blow Jobs, Crack, Cum in places you don't want it, Enemies With Benefits, Gabriel Has a Penis (Good Omens), Humour, Non-Explicit Sex, Other, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens), destruction of property, post armageddon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:13:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle/pseuds/Blue_Sparkle
Summary: The Archangel Gabriel and Prince Beelzebub strike up an "Enemies with Benefits" relationship of sorts, as they have nothing better to do after the Armageddon didn't happen.Pity that Gabriel's clothes have to suffer for it
Relationships: Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 55





	Princes Don't Swallow

**Author's Note:**

> Yes hello I wrote this while at work and edited this while not feeling well, but I hope you enjoy this piece of entertainment.

Gabriel did not much care for earthly things or for his corporation as a concept. Of course it needed to be taken care of, needed to be powerful and strong and look impressive enough to reflect his true self. He always took pains to look just the way a human of status ought to in any given time and place on Earth. He didn’t indulge in any human vices while doing this of course, never going beyond what was needed to appear respectable and important. Food was out of the question, and even being near humans was uncomfortable in all honesty. They were just so… strange.

The only exception being the times a tailor touched him, measured the exact proportions of his corporation to create garments. Of course Gabriel could simply miracle himself whatever he needed, but he had quickly found that he _liked_ the texture of fine fabric and the way well tailored clothes clung to him. As he occasionally did need to pop down to Earth Gabriel formed the habit of buying clothes, collecting them and making sure that he was always up to date. He even started reading magazines geared towards businessmen in the 1980s, just to be sure he was following the fashion.

It was no wonder then, that Gabriel always took great care of his clothes, creating miracles to keep them from getting stained by earthly matter if he had business, and making sure they were always ironed and crisp.

Up until very recently he hadn’t needed to worry about anything staining them at all. Right up until the apocalypse and a very determined little fly spreading filth all over the tasteful pale grey of his shirt.

The first time it happened was mere hours after the Antichrist refused to do as he was told and decided to not bring about the end of the world. It was terrible! A perfectly good day ruined by some half human child! Gabriel had even lost his composure enough to let his hair become a mess! That never happened to him, not even while actively thwarting demons.

Demons, much as the one currently on their knees before him, pressing him back against the cold wall of the corridor somewhere in the limbo between both their offices. They had both just calmed down their respective sides, Gabriel simply barking out an order to stand back down, and Beelzebub doing Lord knows what to keep their demons from starting a minor riot. 

Gabriel couldn’t rightfully say how he had ended up here, panting quietly, legs spread wide to lower himself down to a comfortable level for Beelzebub to swallow down his dick whole. His chest felt hot all over as his blunt nails dug against the plastic wallpaper behind him, the demon sucking and slurping in a way that should be decidedly unappealing but only served to make Gabriel’s dick twitch in response. As someone who never had any kind of object pass his own lips Gabriel hadn’t known that it really was possible to do what they were doing, yet Beelzebub had taken him down whole with no apparent problem.

“Keep going,” he gasped out, feeling dizzy from pleasure and the heat all around him.

Beelzebub glared up at him as if even the hint of a command was the highest insult possible. Despite kneeling at the Archangel’s feet, the Prince really did seem in control of everything, which Gabriel was reminded of when he felt a faint nudge of teeth against him.

Beelzebub had discarded their fanciful regalia somewhere between the airfield and wrangling their demons, their hair back to being a dry tangled mess with flies buzzing all around them. Their face was marred and covered in smudges of dust, just as their hands which were currently smearing filth over Gabriel’s stomach under his shirt. They were so tiny, yet the cold sharpness of their eyes was enough to remind Gabriel that only their corporations were outwardly uneven in strength. 

Gabriel’s breath hitched as Beelzebub sucked harder, and within seconds he was coming in hot streaks. His head hit the wall and he felt his softening dick being shoved back into his pants, followed by the loud sound of spitting and something wet hitting the floor. He decided that he didn’t want to look to confirm what had just happened.

Beelzebub rose to their feet, staring at him with that same cold displeasure that Gabriel had come to recognize as their default. They looked at one another for a moment, and then Beelzebub grabbed at his tie, pulling Gabriel down to their level. For one mad moment he wondered if the demon expected a kiss, but then the Prince brought the tie to their face and wiped their mouth clean, leaving Gabriel’s own seed to stain the beautiful silk before he could voice a protest. 

“We’re done,” Beelzebub buzzed quietly, voice rough.

“Quite,” Gabriel confirmed, straightening his tie. Something in Beelzebub’s eyes made him refrain from using a miracle to clean his shirt and tie, deciding instead to dispose of them once he had the time. Pity, they had been quite nice after all.

“Now, we were about to discuss how to handle the traitors?”

*

The following months brought a lot of stress in form of damage control (several angels had apparently seen the traitor Aziraphale go against orders and run off to possess a human, and were now wondering why there had been no official reprimand. Not to mention the lack of Armageddon). They also brought a stress release in the shape of Beelzebub, who would occasionally meet up with Gabriel for top secret reports on their own problem demon. Nobody else could truly understand how rattled Gabriel had felt, the discomfort of an angel and a demon defying their sides so easily and now apparently being indestructible.

It was nice to talk and vent and then later inevitably fuck to get out all the frustrations. There wasn’t even anything else they could be doing. Neither Heaven or Hell had worked up the nerve to come anywhere near Crowley or Aziraphale yet, and with eleven years worth of war preparations being for naught there was nothing important to see to either.

Beelzebub appeared more human when meeting up on earth, less dirty, with their hair wild but silky to the touch, and their entire body quite clean, with not even a speck of grime under their nails. Gabriel had no questions about who’s benefit this was for, and the beautiful restaurants they pretended to have business lunches at certainly had no complaints about the tiny demon on their premises. 

It certainly was much nicer to fuck without flies trying to sit on Gabriel’s face as well. 

Gabriel had never really even thought about his dick in the past. He had one, of course, lest human tailors get confused about how to cut pants for him. But sticking it into Beelzebub was a thoroughly enjoyable experience for them both, leaving the Archangel to understand why certain earthly pleasures were so worth craving. Of course, Beelzebub wasn’t earthly, so Gabriel was happy to mentally place “I am fucking the Prince of Hell on a regular basis” on his “not actually an objectionable thing” list. Sex was quite good for releasing frustrations, he’d heard, and any successful businessman of the 20th century seemed to have recommended engaging in it. And as neither was trying to betray their sides there was nothing morally wrong with it. 

Beelzebub usually took the lead one way or the other. They liked Gabriel fucking them, which superficially left him in control as he manhandled the tiny corporation in his arms (though he got thurhoughly reprimanded if he so much as accidentally squeezed their hips in a way they didn’t like). They also liked sucking Gabriel off, something about the situation letting them dominate Gabriel easily, even when on their knees before him. While Gabriel could miracle away any damage to his corporation, having a demon’s sharp teeth on such a soft portion of his body was a thrill of danger he was happy to endure. 

So he enjoyed what Beelzebub called a blowjob. Quite a lot, in fact. Were it not for the destruction of his clothes every single time. 

No matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to keep any loose bit of fabric out of the demon’s way. It always ended up exactly the same. Sucking, mind blowing orgasm, the disgusting retching and splatter of Beelzebub spitting it out, and then a very persistent hand grabbing his scarf or end of his coat or on one memorable occasion the end of his shirt for Beelzebub to wipe their mouth on. 

Gabriel would always try to protest, see the sharp challenge in Beelzebub’s eyes, and then decide that the vague possibility of a repeat performance was worth the pain of staring at come stains on fine linen. 

Never one to just endure problems or even minor annoyances Gabriel of course tried to think up ways to avoid this. Beelzebub seemed to be willing to let Gabriel’s clothes live when they just fucked or when he was the one to go down on them, evidently too blissed out and shaky legged to make things unpleasant for Gabriel in the aftermath. Never letting Beelzebub get their mouth near his dick, and consequently any come, was of course a possibility. But Gabriel liked it when the Prince reduced him to a shaky mess like that. So that was out of the question. 

It took long hours of brooding, consultations of several rather disturbing videos on the internet, and a lot of Sandalphon’s worried shuffling about the office before Gabriel finally came to a conclusion in a fit of inspiration. 

If he didn’t want his clothes to get ruined, then he merely needed to make sure Beelzebub wasn’t anywhere near them! Easy!

After this followed yet more hours of brooding and careful consideration, before Gabriel finally pulled out a lovely lavender scented envelope and penned an invitation to the Prince of Hell. It was time to do this properly. 

*

They had never met in the evenings, never in a location that could be described as a “date night”. Gabriel wasn’t entirely sure on where the exact differences were in what sort of meals humans considered business and which ones were for pleasure. It was all the same food matter anyway. But it was night outside, and there was gentle music playing and candles burned on the tables that were occupied by pairs. 

Beelzebub arrived wearing something similar to the attire they would have worn to battle, though their waistcoat was replaced by something Gabriel thought might be a bodice. He did pull out a chair for them and they sat down, both oozing an aura of discomfort that made any waiter in the vicinity conveniently forget they were present. 

“Why are we here,” Beelzebub asked, frowning at the people around them. “Itz not like we eat. And I have nothing elze to tell you thiz week.”

Gabriel flashed them a winning smile. 

“Of course, but as the humans say… Business or pleasure? And this is for pleasure.”

Beelzebub stared at him appraisingly. Then they nodded. 

“Why here?”

“There’s a hotel upstairs. We might get to let out some steam all night. Get creative. Get naked. How about it?”

Beelzebub looked around again, then drew their eyebrows together. 

“What are we still waiting for then?”

*

Having sex in a bed was magnificent. Doing so while naked was entirely glorious. It really had been worth getting a day off on earth. 

Beelzebub disappeared in the bathroom and probably destroyed the taps from the sound of it the second the two entered the suite. While they explored each nook and cranny Gabriel carefully took off his clothes and stored them in the wardrobe neatly, hanging everything up and closing the door happily. It was quite a bit away from the bed, where he planned on having the demon tonight. 

And that he did. Many times. 

Gabriel could understand why humans were all so into doing this in a bed. Lying back with Beelzebub squirming on top of him was quite nice. The demon had dropped whatever disguise they usually kept up, returning to the grimy and blemish covered appearance, flies appearing and their nails growing sharper. It was both off putting and a turn on, reminding Gabriel sharply that he was in fact not with a human or angel or anything like that. No, he was with a dangerous demon who could hold their own against him in a real fight. Channeling this into sex was so much better. Perhaps he should consider it as a real alternative to the Great War then, fucking rather than fighting for dominance. 

Neither really paid attention to how many hours they spent at it, seeing no need to slow down. 

Until finally Beelzebub pressed Gabriel down against the pillows and shuffled down the bed to pay some extra attention to his dick. The thrill of getting to enjoy this without having to brace for destruction of his property had Gabriel hard within moments. He relaxed into it, even daring to touch Beelzebub’s tangled and strangely soft hair. They didn’t protest his hand on their head, and just focused on sucking as before, swirling their tongue just so, hands digging into Gabriel’s hips. 

Gabriel came with a grunt, fingers clenching in Beelzebub’s hair. He felt them pull off and heard the familiar spitting sound. Not that it mattered, he really didn’t care about the hotel room and would merely miracle it clean before leaving in the morning. Whether or not a stain had once been on the carpet was not something he’d lose much peace of mind over. 

Then there was a pause. 

Hiding his smirk Gabriel glanced up at Beelzebub, who was staring off to the side with a strange expression. A trickle of come still clung to their spit slick lips and they looked more dishevelled than usual. He tried hard not to look too smug about this as he watched the Prince climb off the bed and shuffle towards the direction of the bathroom. Then they paused and cocked their head. 

Before Gabriel could say anything they turned sharply and walked towards the wardrobe. 

“What are you doing?” Gabriel asked, alarm already rising in his voice. He sat up. Beelzebub tore open the wardrobe. He swung his legs off the bed. 

“Hey! Stop that you-”

Beelzebub reached inside and pulled out his favourite scarf, bringing it to their lips while staring Gabriel straight in the eye, just as his foot connected with a puddle of something sticky and rapidly cooling. 

The dual pain of stepping into something so disgusting and seeing Beelzebub damage his clothes _again_ finally made the Archangel snap. 

“What is it with you and destroying my clothes!” he growled, pointing an accusing finger at Beelzebub. “Why can’t you use your own clothes? Or a napkin, for Heaven’s sake? What is wrong with you?”

Beelzebub flashed their teeth, and turned to hang up the scarf where they found it. Their hands smoothed it down, in a gesture that was nearly loving, were it not for the very obvious stain on the fine material now. 

“Haz it occurred to you that I like bothering you?”

They walked towards him and Gabriel couldn’t help but sag back onto the bed, too upset to say anything. He looked up miserably as Beelzebub ran their hand over his chest, still smirking. 

“And maybe, oh thou mighty Archangel,” they buzzed quietly, the flies around them flying in a wider arch. “I like the idea of _marking you up_.”

At that Gabriel’s mouth fell open and he didn’t even protest as he was pushed back onto the bed and Beelzebub clambered on top of him. Soon after he didn’t want to protest anymore either way. His dick showed some renewed interest, and his clothes were already ruined. He really had nothing else to lose in this situation after all.


End file.
